Couples Counseling
Counseling for Couples
There are often two times a couple seeks counseling, in the pre-marital stage or when they experience a crisis. These are appropriate times, but there are benefits to periodically having a “check-up” in order to enhance the relationship and avert a crisis. In couples counseling each individual is respected and heard, strengthening the unique design of the couple’s interpersonal relationship.
Take a quick marriage test to help you decide whether to seek couples counseling:
- Have either of you been thinking about ending the relationship?
- Do you have arguments where you hurt each other’s feelings?
- Are things worse now than they were before?
- Do you feel frustrated that things aren’t changing?
- Have you tried to improve things but had no success?
- Do you have the same disagreements over and over again?
- Do you avoid each other so you won’t have conflict?
- Do you feel more distant now?
- Is there less affection, intimacy or lovemaking?
If you answered, “yes” to one or two, your relationship may be in trouble.
If you answered, “yes” to three or more, your relationship is in need of help.
Oneness in marriage
One of the healthiest thoughts we can have is the understanding that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. This is why we value our families, communities, churches, teams and clubs. When we join with others, we realize that the collective whole is greater than the individual.
This is also true in the marital relationship, where two people join together to create a powerful force. When spouses live for self-gratification, however, the force becomes a negative and divisive one. Dissatisfaction results. In a healthy marriage, the opposite is true. Each individual is valued, and a powerful phenomenon occurs. I call it “the big O.”
“The big O” is not ourselves, and it’s certainly not Oprah. It’s not Oreos, nor Orgasm. The big O is oneness. Oneness is the quality of being unified and unique. In a healthy marriage, spouses live to make much of each other. The way they relate creates a bond of oneness, whether expressing with their bodies what their words cannot through physical intimacy, or sharing a glass of milk and a pile of Oreos. Oneness is obtained through mutual surrender, humility, respect, purpose, friendship and love. In these challenging times, one of the greatest strengths a couple can share is the power of the big O.